Yes! Most people - perhaps realising what's at stake for the business owners - are generous with their reviews. It's made the whole system totally defunct. But apparently Velda didn't get the memo...
Thanks Stephanie, for a 'rage laugh' at your frustration. You've distilled the ugly, entitled, western traveller perfectly. Aaaagh! Nice pic of the cow, too ;)
Somewhere in Essex, Velda just clutched her gluten-free pearls and fainted into a fainting couch made of Tripadvisor stars.
Stephanie, this was a pilgrimage through passive-aggressive hell, and I walked every step with you like a sarcastic monk on the Via Dolorosa of Google Reviews. Velda isn’t just a bad guest—she’s the final boss of Entitlement, armed with a gluten radar and a bottomless purse of grievance.
This wasn’t a restaurant critique. This was colonialism with a side of ketchup. The woman wanted Vietnam to behave like Surrey with better weather and less spice. And when reality didn’t match the brochure in her head, she went full Yelp Crusader.
You’ve captured the tragedy of modern travel: wealthy Westerners chasing "authentic experiences," only to punish the locals when things get... too authentic.
Velda is the tip of the iceberg. There's thousands of Brits whose sole purpose appears to be bitching on Tripadvisor.
"Awful, bland food, no atmosphere, disinterested staff. Drinks were cheap." That's literally every Wetherspoons in the kingdom, Darren, you fucking weapon.
Weren't you saying most places only have 5 stars? Velda must be bucking the trend. I hope you've posted this blog as a reply to her 'best' review 🤣
Yes! Most people - perhaps realising what's at stake for the business owners - are generous with their reviews. It's made the whole system totally defunct. But apparently Velda didn't get the memo...
This is so delicious. 5 stars. Would hate-follow Velda again.
Thanks Stephanie, for a 'rage laugh' at your frustration. You've distilled the ugly, entitled, western traveller perfectly. Aaaagh! Nice pic of the cow, too ;)
THANK you. The cow pic was definitely the star of the show.
Also, rage laugh. Fucking love it. My new preferred reaction.
Haha. Take it, make it the word of the year ;)
Anybody found this velda person yet?
Hahaha - you don't need that much rage in your week.
I love this because I’m prone to developing an irrational hatred of Google reviewers too 🤣 Also, turgid - such an excellent word.
This whole article might have been an excuse to write turgid.
Velda sounds like the type of Brit who moved to Spain then voted leave to Brexit.
Somewhere in Essex, Velda just clutched her gluten-free pearls and fainted into a fainting couch made of Tripadvisor stars.
Stephanie, this was a pilgrimage through passive-aggressive hell, and I walked every step with you like a sarcastic monk on the Via Dolorosa of Google Reviews. Velda isn’t just a bad guest—she’s the final boss of Entitlement, armed with a gluten radar and a bottomless purse of grievance.
This wasn’t a restaurant critique. This was colonialism with a side of ketchup. The woman wanted Vietnam to behave like Surrey with better weather and less spice. And when reality didn’t match the brochure in her head, she went full Yelp Crusader.
You’ve captured the tragedy of modern travel: wealthy Westerners chasing "authentic experiences," only to punish the locals when things get... too authentic.
Velda is the tip of the iceberg. There's thousands of Brits whose sole purpose appears to be bitching on Tripadvisor.
"Awful, bland food, no atmosphere, disinterested staff. Drinks were cheap." That's literally every Wetherspoons in the kingdom, Darren, you fucking weapon.
Going down the Lord Nelson/Few ch revolution rabbit hole now. I love your Substack Steph. Did you write to the mean spirited Velda?
Essex is our national hub of underachievement.
Fuck Velda.
I’ve been to Vietnam a couple of times-the food is wonderful and the people very friendly. I recognise the cow.
Very entertaining-thank you.