That embarrassing time I bought a unicycle
Me and my long, ignoble history with novelty transport
You know me now as a car reviewer. But my transportation methods haven’t always been so… conventional.
This is embarrassing to admit, but up until very recently I was the owner of a unicycle.
Why did I have a unicycle? Well, I bought one when I was 18-years-old and had disposable income for the first time.
Yes, most kids that age buy weed. But I grew up in the Hills District and, frankly, didn’t know that was an option.
So while my peers spent their gap year doing drugs or travelling Europe and banging French dudes, I worked on my unicycling. It took a while, but eventually I became reasonably proficient. What a fun trick, I thought. The boys will love it!
The boys did not love it.
When I went to university no one was particularly interested in my unicycling. Or my ripstick. Or any other novelty transport item I purchased.
And yet I could not stop.
When I was in my mid-20s I got a longboard. Just last year I bought roller skates and wore them once.
I am at constant risk of buying stupid modes of transport. And, my friends, we are entering a dangerous period of time. The festive period. Where every device that’s been spying on you starts quadrupling its ads while you’re already in a frenzied state of consumerism.
My resolve is weak. The ads are so targeted. My mortgage so crippling.
Here is what tempts me at the moment.
Did you ever hear about Moonwalkers? They’re a chargeable electric skate which straps onto your shoes and gives you the speed of running with the effort of walking. I imagine they’re like wearing humanity’s greatest invention: airport travelators.
They’re $2,200, look like juiced-up birkenstock, and sound like leaf blowers. I’ll take three pairs, please.
Or what about Orbitwheels? No batteries needed, just balance, practice, and a high-tolerance for public embarrassment. They’re also a great way to break both ankles at the same time.
And check out at how much fun everyone’s having in this promotion photo!
It looks like these kids were just told their parents are divorcing. But it’s not all bad news! They’ve been given Orbitwheels to keep them occupied while mum and dad consult different lawyers.
I also have to make mention the MOQBA… uh… bike…? That Suzuki brought out in Japan.
This machine has wheels but Suzuki also claims it can be driven up stairs (though they didn’t demonstrate).
Thankfully for me, my wallet, and the greater Sydney area, I am unable to buy a MOQBA. It’s just a concept for the moment.
But what do I really want for Christmas this year?
Your home address.
No, seriously.
Each year I send out a Christmas letter to friends and trusting strangers on the internet. To be honest, sending out piles of mail to people right across the country is both tedious and expensive. But it’s also funny. Which is why I do it.
If you’re interested and are willing to keep your expectations low, please reply to this email with your address or send it to stephanie@carpit.com.au.
That’s it for now! I pick up another review car this week, keep an eye on the socials to find out what it is…!
See you nice and early next Monday.
Steph