Should I pay to have a woman slap my face?
This and other cultural moments from Japan
I hadn’t been in Japan long when a friend sent me an Instagram reel about a Tokyo bar which had popped up on her feed.
“Please go,” she wrote.
The video was giving a tour or one of Japan’s many themed bars - this one specialised in muscle girls. The setup is pretty self explanatory, the customer pays an entry fee of about $30 which allows you to drink and hang out with a bunch of exceptionally buff women. Should you wish, you can also purchase extra experiences.
This is where things get a bit weirder.
For $20 they’ll do a ‘honeymoon carry’ where they pick you up like a new bride, for $10 you’ll get a ‘muscle hug’ where you’re squeezed mercilessly between two women, and for $30 you can get someone to kick you in the arse or slap you square across the face.
Which raises the obvious question - should I spend $60 to get slapped by a muscly Japanese woman?
I took this conundrum to my Instagram page.
“I’m considering it, but I reckon I could get one of my muscly friends to slap me for free,” I said. “Also I’m unemployed and spending almost $100 in getting into a bar so a big muscly chick can slap me feels like an irresponsible use of my dwindling funds.”
If you’ve ever wondered how many close friends would love to see you get hit in the face, this is a great way to find out. Turns out it’s a lot in my case! And not just friends, either. Both my brother and sister were in favour of me visiting the bar.
This is good information which I’ll probably dwell on for the rest of my life.
But don’t worry, not everyone wanted me to spend the money. There were lots of kind offers from friends and casual associates to hit me for a discounted price. Some said they’d even do it for free. I’m not sure what I’m getting out of that arrangement, but I’m even less sure about their motivations.
Perhaps I spent too much time mulling over the above, because before I knew it I had to leave Tokyo for the next leg of my trip. My face remains in its pristine un-slapped condition. But here’s the thing. I’m heading back to Tokyo in about three week’s time.
It’s not too late.
Now, you might not know this about me, but I’m actually a very savvy business woman. And if there’s one thing Steve Jobs, Bill Gates, Richard Branson and I all have in common, it’s the ability to see an opportunity.
Sure, I could pay to get beaten up by a buff woman. OR I could still do that but also use this as a subscriber incentive. That’s actually how the first iPhone became so popular. In the early days, Jobs would take one hit to the face for every phone sold. This became untenable as the product became more desirable, of course. But it’s arguably why iPhones sold well from the very beginning.
Anyway - let’s say if I get 50 more subscribers I’ll film myself getting slapped and write about the experience. If I don’t make it to 50? Well, you’ll never know if I went there or not. You’ll never vicariously enjoy being slapped by a body building Japanese woman.
Can you afford to live with that regret?
We’ve got three weeks until I’m back in Tokyo, so start forwarding this email to anyone you think might like to see me get hit in the face. It’s probably more than you think! That was the case for me!!!
In the meantime, I’m gearing up to hire a car and drive into the remote part of the Tokushima district. Starting tomorrow, I’ve got five nights lined up in a mountainside guest house run by a woman who speaks no English and will have her entire extended family staying with her.
I haven’t booked the yam farming experience (where I pay to pick yams on her farm) but hopefully there’s still some availability when I arrive.
I’ll enjoy my yams, you enjoy your week and don’t forget to forward this email to a friend.
See you next Monday.
Steph