What the hell is a ‘soul pet’?

The newest dumb internet fad explained.

I’ve noticed a strange phenomenon popping up online recently.

People on Instagram and TikTok are increasingly referring to their pets as ‘soul’ cats or dogs. Although if we’re going to be honest, it’s more common with the cat crowd. Quelle surprise.

I’m not really sure what kicked this off, but the term ‘soul cat’ seems to be used by people who feel the need to bestow a special relationship status onto their pet. Usually this phrase enters someone’s vernacular after that pet has died.

It’s hard to say what the hell is going on here, but my suspicion is that they adopt this language to dignify their own grief.

If you say your cat died, people will assume you’re sad. If you say your SOUL cat died, you might deserve a few days off work. At the very least, you’ll hopefully receive some of the sympathy you think you’re owed.

Unfortunately, the whole concept of ‘soul pets’ has the unintended effect of minimising the emotions felt by anyone who loses an animal, but isn’t a massive weirdo about it. It implies there’s a secret extra layer of sad that’s reserved for those who meet their feline or canine soul mate. That’s absurd, of course.

The most empathetic enlightened version of myself can partially understand what’s happening here on some level. Grief is terrible and touches people in different ways.

But also, come on.

Seriously. Come the fuck on.

Perhaps I’m just one big loveless cynical sack of shit, but the idea of soul mates, even of the human variety, strikes me as ridiculous. Or at the very least extremely inconvenient.

If my soul has a second half wandering around the world, I’m statistically very unlikely to meet the person it resides in. Purely on the numbers, they’re probably going to be living in a populous area somewhere in southern Asia, speaking a language I don’t understand in a town I’ll never travel to.

Honestly, meeting this theoretical person at this point in my life would be a huge imposition on us both. By now my other half has probably got a family and a nicely established home. Imagine, just imagine, the hassle if we were to bump into each other. The logistics, the travel, the language, the in-laws… the list goes on.

Also, what if they’re ugly, rude, or mean? What if all their teeth have all fallen out because they hate toothpaste? What if my soul mate is a business consultant who sincerely thinks they’re doing meaningful work?

If that’s the case, I hope we never meet. Give me the imperfect love of a moderately compatible man any day. Hell, at this point, I’d take moderately incompatible. Or just ‘man’.

But if meeting a human soul mate is practically impossible, finding a soul cat would still be much harder.

Cats all around the world are having several litters of kittens in the space of a year. That’s an inconceivable number of cats. Not to mention, many of them feral. That means most people’s soul cats would, on first meeting, aim a swipe right at the retinas.

Those are the smart ones. Being a cat that’s too friendly can lead to being locked in a small apartment with an emotionally unstable human for the rest of their life.

If that were a possibility, I’d aim for the eyes, too.

But some people still think that, of all the cats in the world, they found the ONE that was meant to be their soul mate.

Well. Okay then.

But did the cat have any say in this? That’s a lot of pressure for a relationship, especially one with a big power imbalance. Yes, these people love their cats. But if they’re responsible owners, they’re also chopping off their balls, locking them in a house, and acting as their only source of food and water.

Is that really the behaviour of a soul mate? Or is that more of a coercive control situation?

Knowing all that I do about cats, I can’t imagine they would adhere to the concept of a soul mate even if they could understand it. They seem like a free-love kind of community to me. Not that that’s necessarily a good thing. When I was a kid we had a cat that got knocked up by her dad before she was spayed. A bit more shame in the kitty community would probably be a good thing.

Human love can be a suffocating thing. I’m not sure I would want that from a cat, even if they were equipped to deliver it. At best they probably consider their owners as abstract, companionable figures who dispense food regularly.

And isn’t that enough? Does everything need to be so intense?

Give your pet food and pat them every now and then and they’ll reward you with the kind of affection that has made humans tolerate cleaning cat turds for centuries.

Frankly, that’s already a bit weird. Please don’t make it any weirder than that.